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Re-inventing Myself

 Caring for someone with Dementia takes a lot of time, as many tasks are no longer shared. I now organise the medication and appointments, fill in the forms, sort out the diary and finances, as well as having sole responsibility for all domestic tasks including shopping and preparation of meals. On the whole, I don’t mind, though I’m not a great lover of domesticity!

So my resolution last year for 2024 was to re-invent myself in order to cope. I gave up some of my voluntary work and only retained those activities which I enjoyed. I tried a few new things, some successful, some disastrous, and, when we could afford it, I bought in some additional help. Being a carer can be quite isolating, so getting out and meeting people was and still is an essential part of my survival kit. Sometimes I've had to show great strength and insist on time for myself. Chris and I had done so much together in the past, and he found it difficult to understand that he couldn’t always accompany me anymore. If I was worrying about his welfare, then my ‘me’ time was not restful.

Some things I tried didn’t work all that well. I practised my guitar and singing every day and attended a couple of open mic sessions. But this was quite a solitary endeavour, and an activity I have decided not to pursue.

In a moment of madness, I tried to start a kazoo band. I thought this was quite a quirky idea, but enlisting sufficient support was almost impossible. So the kazoo band is dead. However, I have learnt how to attach a kazoo to an amplifier which is a useful addition to my skill set when creating sound effects!    

The poetry writing and performing are still going strong, and I am getting increasing requests to contribute to community events. I also have a small ‘drama’ group who are willing to help out when needed. I still run the Writers Café and Christmas Window Competition. I give occasional talks to local groups and at the Bavard Bar in St Leonards and Eastbourne.  I have learned that I need to maintain a community role to keep up my self esteem.

Finding sufficient adult company and conversation is still sometimes a problem. So, as part of my resolution for 2025, I’ve applied to be a charity trustee for a local carer’s group and an ambassador for a Dementia Charity. More will follow about this if I am successful. I will also do the daily walk for Dementia UK in February. Taking part in this fundraiser last year really lifted my spirits. It forced me out of the house each day and I enjoyed being part of the event community.

More than anything, I have discovered that taking care of myself as a carer requires discipline and hard work. It doesn’t just happen. On my google calendar now, I colour code any activity which is a ‘me’ event in peacock blue. It’s a visual reminder of what I need to do to as part of my survival kit. If there’s not enough peacock blue in a week, then I phone a friend for a coffee.  I keep reminding myself this is not selfish. Stronger carers have greater capacity to look after their loved ones.

Happy New Year everyone and thank you for following my journey.       

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